I too used to be awkward, anxious, and not finding within me the possibility to show my true self in new social contexts.
A few things that made a difference:
1. Moving. I moved many times in my twenties and each time I had new neighbors and coworkers was slightly easier. Practice works, and it was a relief the first times to start fresh with new people. I was also following a path that I had actively chosen for myself, and this gave me more self-esteem and made it easier to introduce myself. Especially moving into the city made a big difference with many shops and offices around me. Here was all these fancy-dressed people roaming there in whose company I often felt self-doubt. And now I was seeing them from my window while I was eating breakfast/dinner. In their rush to and from work they seemed to drop the mask of self-esteem and looked vulnerable instead.
2. Getting kids. This caused my brain to go "I don't care anymore what you think about me since my kid is the most important thing right now, and I'm too tired from too few hours of sleep to feel awkward anymore."
3. Age. With age most people have gone through some hardships (losing loved ones, psychological health, bad relationships/friendships, etc). With this comes a greater value on just being your true self and acting accordingly. When you can show some vulnerability, it takes some stress of others that can acknowledge to themselves their own insecurity and vulnerability. Now they know they are not alone, and that maybe there is nothing wrong with them since you too exist.
I don't know if only the gym helps, I think all kinds of diverse experiences help getting a sense of belonging among others (which is maybe different from self-esteem?)
That said, there is nothing wrong with feeling discomfort in some settings. You have your innermost values and you will not be fully compatible with everyone. Don't let others limit you or take advantage of you. Make the choice to be you and live fully on your terms.
A few things that made a difference:
1. Moving. I moved many times in my twenties and each time I had new neighbors and coworkers was slightly easier. Practice works, and it was a relief the first times to start fresh with new people. I was also following a path that I had actively chosen for myself, and this gave me more self-esteem and made it easier to introduce myself. Especially moving into the city made a big difference with many shops and offices around me. Here was all these fancy-dressed people roaming there in whose company I often felt self-doubt. And now I was seeing them from my window while I was eating breakfast/dinner. In their rush to and from work they seemed to drop the mask of self-esteem and looked vulnerable instead.
2. Getting kids. This caused my brain to go "I don't care anymore what you think about me since my kid is the most important thing right now, and I'm too tired from too few hours of sleep to feel awkward anymore."
3. Age. With age most people have gone through some hardships (losing loved ones, psychological health, bad relationships/friendships, etc). With this comes a greater value on just being your true self and acting accordingly. When you can show some vulnerability, it takes some stress of others that can acknowledge to themselves their own insecurity and vulnerability. Now they know they are not alone, and that maybe there is nothing wrong with them since you too exist.
I don't know if only the gym helps, I think all kinds of diverse experiences help getting a sense of belonging among others (which is maybe different from self-esteem?)
That said, there is nothing wrong with feeling discomfort in some settings. You have your innermost values and you will not be fully compatible with everyone. Don't let others limit you or take advantage of you. Make the choice to be you and live fully on your terms.